You know the saying “looks can be deceiving”? In the blogging world, it can be so easy for a person to appear to be something they are not. I don’t necessarily mean this in a malicious way, more so in a way to shield yourself or put on a facade.
The beauty of doing a blog is that you can hide behind your screen and you can pick and choose what to reveal to the world. I think it’s safe to say that this is something most bloggers do. Bloggers are happy to share the good, are willing to show the bad, but does that mean they are going to the reveal the ugly? I suppose some will, but I think most don’t. Is it deceiving? Perhaps it is, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that everything you read is lies, at least I can say that about my writing and what I put on Mama@Heart.
Recently someone told me they thought I seem to have it all together. I can see how people might think that, especially through my blog. You see, for me, writing is my happy place. It is where I can go to express myself in a way that I feel more confident than doing so in person.
When I started my blog last year I made the decision to be very selective about what I share and what I don’t. As I have come further along this blogging journey I have found myself becoming more comfortable in what I post on my blog, though I still have some limits.
So, do I really have it all together? Quite honestly, no I don’t.
Becoming a mother opened up a world of vulnerability that I never anticipated. I have never been an overly confident person, to begin with, but since becoming a mom I have experienced a feeling of insecurity that I have never felt before. I never thought parenting would be easy, but I also never expected to feel so utterly overwhelmed and unsure of myself. I’m five and a half years into motherhood and still often wonder to myself if I will ever get this parenting thing right.
Career-wise I have never really felt like I have found the right match for me and have somehow ended up on a repeated cycle of jobs that don’t inspire me. Deep in my heart, I know what I want, but I have become my biggest obstacle. I have consistently convinced myself that what I want is out of reach. I know what I need to do; I need to take a leap of faith. Now I just need to find the courage to do it.
For those who read my blog post about being bullied as a child, you saw that I have dealt with years of thinking pretty low of myself and the struggle to define who I am more positively is ongoing. Upon first meeting me one might think that I am self-assured, and while I try very hard to be, I still have a lot of work to do.
Yes, sometimes to the outside world I may look like I have it all together. But there’s more to me than meets the eye, and with a little time and courage, I am willing to open up more about myself. Keeping up appearances can be exhausting, not to mention lonely, which is why I know that letting others in might just be the step I need to take.
On my Mama@Heart “About Me” section I tell readers that my blog is a place where I will open up honestly about myself and my motherhood journey. And while I have done that so far, I will admit I have hidden behind my screen a bit. But I want to share more about who I am, in the hopes that it will help me connect with my audience more, spark a conversation and maybe inspire others in the process.
So stay tuned for my next blog post to learn a little more about Mama@Heart and a personal struggle I’ve been facing recently.