The past several weeks have been filled with ups and downs. I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on my life, trying to gain some clarity on what comes next and considering new possibilities. At first, my mind felt clouded with uncertainty, but I think slowly the fog is lifting.
For years I’ve been on this journey trying to find my way to my career aspirations, yet whenever I think I have found the right path to follow, life throws me a curveball and presents a fork in the road that leaves me wondering: “which way do I go now?”
It’s funny how you can have this idea in your head of how something is supposed to go. For 20 years now all I’ve wanted to do is be a writer, and in my mind, it’s always been that simple. I would work hard on my skills, show the world my talent and things would fall into place. I would get my dream job and that would be it.
But the reality is that it hasn’t been that simple and for a long time I have been asking myself “why is this so hard?”
Those that know me well, know that I’m a planner (some might see this trait of mine as being a control freak). I like knowing how things are going to be, and when I’m certain about something like I am sure about wanting to be a writer for a living, patience is not my strong suit. For the past few years, there have been many times when I’ve frustratingly exclaimed “when is this ever going to happen?”
I’ve seen the forks in the road more as roadblocks, especially after my recent layoff, and have let my emotions blur my vision. For the past few weeks, I’ve given myself permission to go through the motions of what I’ve been feeling since I know from experience that not giving my emotions a proper outlet can have a negative impact on my life (wisdom I’ve gained through my struggle with depression and going to therapy). Now that I’ve had time to do some wallowing, which has included binge watching Gilmore Girls, and examining my current situation, I have come to a very important realization: I need to be more open-minded. Rather than seeing the forks in the road as roadblocks, I need to get excited about the possibilities in the journey ahead.
Sure, my beginning has changed, several times actually, but instead of dwelling on the past and wishing I could rewrite history, I need to put it behind me and start a new chapter. And while I’m standing on that path and can’t clearly see too far ahead, the possibilities I see right in front of me look pretty good.
So, I’m going to continue working hard on my writing because it’s what I love to do, and I’m going to keep learning and challenging myself. I’ve started with making the decision to relaunch Mama@Heart. After more than two years of blogging, I felt it was time to give this blog a boost and a fresh new look, so I’m currently in the process of moving my site over to WordPress and will keep my readers posted on when I plan to debut my new and improved website. A big part of this has also meant taking time to learn more about the world of blogging so I’m taking some online courses and tutorials.
Doing all of this has opened my eyes more to taking chances and trying new things, which is why I’m very excited about also deciding to take a training course and get certified to teach kids yoga. I haven’t felt this drawn to do something since I was an 18-year-old editor of my high school newspaper and felt certain about wanting to become a writer. Yoga has been a practice I’ve kept coming back to over again for more than seven years now, and every time I’ve returned to it I have been happy. Yoga has always brought me a sense of calmness; it has been something I’ve turned to many times when I’ve needed comfort or clarity. For the past year, I have taught my own children yoga and have used it as a way to help calm them when they are anxious, scared or throwing a tantrum. They have even started going to the kid’s yoga class offered at the studio I go to, where I will be getting my training. I have no idea where this new endeavour could lead but I’m excited to find out!
I saw this quote from C.S. Lewis recently and I can’t get it out of my mind: “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” This could not be more true of my life right now. Reading this quote was like getting the best advice I needed at this moment because it reminded me that by opening my heart and mind to new possibilities I might just find the path I was meant to be on all along.